Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
