I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
