just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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