I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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