i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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