After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
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sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
it glows. i had to have it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
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She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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