After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
