ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
