My balls are so social today.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
