Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots