I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK