you didnt know i had herpes?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
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His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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