Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i'm home, then i'll come over
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma