ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
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I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.