The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
