Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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