i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
