He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
