Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
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Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
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We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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