i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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