Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
