Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
