My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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