I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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