Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
