he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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