I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
