i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
