okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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