I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
