I'm lost and stupid without you.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
