Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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