dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
