i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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