guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
