I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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