xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
