I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
your room smells of hookers.
And success
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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