And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
