I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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