We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
