I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This baby is an asshole
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
