I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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