Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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