i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
