did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
