I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
