we're chasing vodka with high fives
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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