White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
