you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
