I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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