she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
