i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
