that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
where am i from again
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
