Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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