Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
