Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
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