So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
