I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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