It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
