That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
