420 ftw
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
