Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So here I am, sexting at work.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
