Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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