i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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