we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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