dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
