well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You are the jesus of drinking
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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